


Between Light and Darkness

by NatIannera



Series: March Writing Madness - 2019 [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Arguing, Comfort, Darkness, Eraqus/Reader is at the beginning, F/M, Getting over a break up, Hurt, Morals, Questionable Morals?, Romance, Xehanort/Reader is Endgame, break-up, light - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 03:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18003308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatIannera/pseuds/NatIannera
Summary: Walking between Light and Darkness is not easy.





	Between Light and Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hoi zäme!  
> Yikes, I'm late… funny thing is, I had this finished on time, but then I went out and completely forgot about uploading it. Talk about being an airhead!  
> Anyway, this is the one for Master Xehanort. Spoiler, it's young Xehanort, so technically not Master Xehanort yet.  
> This was difficult as heck, because of course I can't make it easy for myself.  
> Also, I might be bending canon a bit in this one, since I'm not entirely sure whether or not Xehanort really was fascinated with Darkness. But I always headcanon that he is fascinated with Darkness, so there's that.  
> I still hope you enjoy!

For as long as you could remember, you despised black-and-white choices and situations.

After all, the world is multicolored. There are so many shades – some vibrant, some muted, some dull, some bright. The same can be said for morality, or for choices. There isn’t a simple ‘good’ thing in a world, or a simple ‘bad’ thing. Sure, they can be good or bad in a certain situation. But simply boiling everything down to ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – to black and white – is a drastic oversimplification. And you couldn’t stand such things since you were young. You preferred to know all facts and facets of life, of a situation. It was, at least as far as you are concerned, the soundest way to make a decision. How should one make a rational choice if they don’t have all the facts? A choice without all the facts is a biased choice, and of no use in many situations.

These ‘beliefs’ of yours, as your fellow trainees call them, make you a great mediator and counselor in the eyes of others. It’s a reason why many often times come to you for advice, or to help them calm a dispute down. Some Masters even intentionally put you with students who are arguing, which you don’t necessarily like, but is something you put up with.

But it doesn’t mean that your beliefs only have a positive effect. Your Masters worry about you since you approach Light and Darkness with the same attitude. Unlike most other students, you don’t naturally despise the Darkness or fear it. You don’t see Darkness as this despicable, unstoppable force. You see Darkness as a tool, if used correctly and in moderation. You’re aware that Darkness is highly dangerous, and can easily tempt a person, but you know that there are certain situations which do call for the power of Darkness.

Unfortunately, your boyfriend of almost a year, Eraqus, vehemently disagrees with you. He is a firm believer of the Light, and only sees Darkness as a horrible force. You have tried to explain to him countless times why his opinion is narrow-minded, but he always counters any argument with the statement that “It’s better not to dance on an edge”. It infuriated you to no end, and made you consider breaking up with him several times. The both of you could absolutely not agree on such things, so where would this lead to in the future?

But on the other hand, you loved Eraqus dearly. He was fun, optimistic, charming and warm. He made you laugh until your stomach hurt and dried your tears when you started crying out of frustration. He was a wonderful boyfriend, but equally as stubborn as you.

Plus, he had a rather peculiar friend. Xehanort was not like any other person you’ve ever met, not by a long shot. Quiet, yet blunt. Stubborn, yet open to discussions. Vain, yet unsure at times. Judgmental, yet considerate. At first, you couldn’t really get a feel for him, but from one day to the other, Xehanort seemed to accept you and started to have small conversations with you. It was through these conversations that you learned that the both of you had quite a few things in common. One, Xehanort was not terrified of Darkness either. While you didn’t share his fascination with it, you could understand where he was coming for. There was untapped potential in Darkness after all. The both of you also enjoyed the old tales one particular Master is telling, and sometimes discussed those tales. You enjoyed spending time with Xehanort as well, although there always seemed to be a sort of barrier between the both of you. You assumed Xehanort was keeping a respectful distance between the both of you since you were the partner of his friend, and you appreciated that.

Eraqus, on the other hand, didn’t seem all that happy with your friendship. Sure, at first he was ecstatic, since he dreamed of the three of you spending time together and just hanging out. But as he realized you and Xehanort were sometimes discussing about Darkness, this dream vanished immediately. Now he was more concerned with keeping your interactions with Xehanort as limited as possible, and to always be nearby to possibly change subject if needed. Eraqus wanted you to stay on the right track; after all, he cherished you and cared for you deeply.

All of this unresolved tension, between Xehanort and Eraqus, you and Eraqus and Xehanort and you exploded on a rather bland afternoon. The past few weeks, you and Eraqus had been arguing more often than ever, and you felt seriously frustrated with him. You wanted to talk it out with him for one final time, deciding to give him an ultimatum. Eraqus either had to accept that you had different morals than him and leave it be, or the both of you had to break up. Those arguments were draining you and making you unhappy, and while you still cared for Eraqus, it wasn’t the deep love you once felt for him anymore.

Unfortunately, you had been running late this afternoon since one of your Masters was worried about you and wanted to have a talk with you. You tried to keep the conversation as short as possible, but unluckily, the Master was not satisfied until you indulged them at least a bit. While it felt quite uncomfortable for you – and it even was uncomfortable for the Master, which makes you question why they forced you to open up – it also felt good to let off a bit of steam. But it still made you late to your meet-up with Eraqus.

As you entered the room where you knew Eraqus would be setting up the chess board, you heard loud arguing between two males. You quickly recognized Eraqus’ and Xehanort’s voice, and listening for a few seconds made you realize they were, once again, arguing about the danger of Darkness.

And the things Eraqus said just appalled you.

“Anyone who has an interest in Darkness can’t have a good heart, how can they! Darkness can not be good, in no way, shape or form. Therefore, anyone who has interest in Darkness can’t be good!” How can Eraqus just make such a black-or-white statement? How can he lump such a variety of people together and basically call them evil? Why can’t he just see that Light can’t be the end all be all?

You step forward, the sound almost thundering through the room. Eraqus and Xehanort both turn towards you, obviously surprised. The both of them look angry, but you know they’re not angry at you, they’re angry at each other. However, you’re more focused on Eraqus.

“Eraqus, this may be the dumbest thing you have ever said.” Standing equally far away from both Eraqus and Xehanort, you fixate your gaze on the former, expression as hard as stone. Eraqus looks back at you, at first shocked, then hurt, and then angry.

“Why? Someone has to say it to the both of you. You both are fools if you think Darkness can be controlled. Darkness is like a parasitic plant, it nestles inside of you, grows inside of you until it consumes you!” Eraqus argues while vividly articulating with his hands, a clear sign of how agitated he is.

“Darkness can be controlled if you are strong enough. Just because you’re scared of being too weak doesn’t mean others can’t do it, Eraqus.” Xehanort retorts, and while you don’t entirely agree with his point, you do nod along.

“Light is no different to Darkness, Eraqus. Light has nestled itself inside of us and is consuming us as well. Therefore, viewing Darkness as this terrible force means viewing Light as a terrible force as well.”

Eraqus shoots you a betrayed look. “Are you really taking his side against me?” He asks, clearly trying to somehow guilt-trip you. As if being your boyfriend means you always have to side with him in arguments, even if he knows fully well you don’t agree with him.

But, you shake your head. “I do not hold the same fascination for Darkness as Xehanort, so I’m not completely taking his side. I agree with you, Darkness can be dangerous if used foolishly. But I can’t ignore the intense benefits Darkness has in certain situations. So I can’t agree with you when you say Darkness is always bad. In that sense, I am taking his side against yours.” You firmly stand your ground in the middle of both of them, as you have done in many other situations. You don’t fully devote yourself to the Light, but you don’t let yourself be consumed by Darkness either. You’re walking the slim line between the both of them.

But Eraqus just shakes his head. “I can’t believe you would do something like that to me.” He accuses you, but there’s no real emotion in his voice. You know that Eraqus is using this against you, in a desperate last-ditch effort. But you’re not falling for this.

“Eraqus, now you’re being unreasonable. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion.” Surprisingly for you, Xehanort calls Eraqus out on this, better than you can. It gives you the perfect opportunity to give Eraqus the ultimatum.

“Eraqus, listen. This can’t go on like that. Either you make peace with the fact that you and I have differing opinions, or we have to break up. These fights don’t help either of us, and are doing no one a favor. They’re exhausting the both of us.” You bite your lower lip for a second, considering how much time you should give him. “I’ll give you three days to decide. If you haven’t decided by then, I will decide, and I can already tell you that the decision is not in favor of our relationship.” Eraqus looks at you with shock, clearly not having expected something like this. It surprises you a bit; did he think you would just stay like that forever? Having a few good moments, but ultimately fighting? It’s a bit hard to believe.

You look over to Xehanort and give him an apologetic smile. “Sorry you have to witness this.”

And with that, you turn on your heel and walk out of the room. 

* * *

Two days have passed since you gave Eraqus the ultimatum. He has been missing class ever since, and most of his Master are either getting worried or angry at him. Some of your fellow trainees have asked you what was going on, but you always dodged their questions. This was a matter too private to just discuss with anyone.

Surprisingly for you, Xehanort had almost naturally started to fill the blanks Eraqus left. Sure, he didn’t fill the emotional or physical blanks Eraqus left, but he spent time with you. The both of you spent lunch together, sparred together and worked during classes together. While it did feel awkward during the first day, you greatly appreciated it. You didn’t have that many friends you would call close friends, so it was nice to have someone to spend time with.

On the morning of the third day, you found a note left in front of the door of your room. It had a simple phrase on it: “Thank you for the memories.” Next to the note was a small plushie, the exact plushie you had given Eraqus as a gift.

The message was more than clear to you. Eraqus simply couldn’t move past your differing ideals. And while it did sting for the first few days, you quickly learned to move past it.

Eraqus returned to class after three more days of absence, and quickly integrated himself in his old friend group minus Xehanort. Xehanort, surprisingly enough, seemed to stay loyal to you. He continued spending lunchtime with you, continued to spar with you from time to time and worked together with you during classes. The both of you, now free to talk about whatever you want, had deep and sometimes bizarre conversations with each other.

This continued for several months, but also changed ever so slightly during these months. Xehanort started to crack jokes, which you thought was absolutely impossible. Turns out he has incredibly dry and dark humor, which you find to be fitting. He also shared other stories with you, stories of the world he was born in. You eventually opened up to him as well, telling him about the world you were born in and even your family whom you left behind.

The both of you became very close friends, and you could already feel the first signs of a crush developing within you. Problem was: you knew it would end the same as it had with Eraqus.

Over these past few months – almost a year has passed by now, which still astounds you – you noticed that Xehanort’s interest in Darkness was becoming stronger and stronger. It was something several Masters have noticed as well, since they came to you and asked you to keep an eye out for Xehanort and stay safe. In a way, Xehanort was on his way to become the Eraqus of Darkness, one who wouldn’t be able to share or even accept your ideals. And you really didn’t want to repeat history.

However, the heart chooses without asking the mind whether or not that’s okay, and soon enough you found yourself with a deep crush on the golden-eyed young man. And if you were reading him correctly, he was growing fond of you as well. Lingering looks, drawn-out sparring, longer discussions and even the sharing of his food all seemed to indicate that he cared more than usual for you.

It eventually came to a point where you came to the decision that the best course of action would be to ask Xehanort out, or set limits to ensure what you have stays a friendship if he wishes so. You asked him to meet you at one of the rather remote sparring locations, and the look he gave you when you asked him told you he knew what was coming. However, you didn’t have a clue whether or not he would want to progress your relationship.

You briskly walked up to the sparring ground, Keyblade already drawn. Xehanort was waiting for you, his Keyblade in his hand as well. You did want to have a few matches with him, since others might question you otherwise, and wasted no time with getting started.

The matches were over quite quickly, much to your relief.

“Xehanort, I want to talk about something.” Although this choice of words made you cringe a bit, you really didn’t have a better way to start the conversation – at least not as the top of your head.

“I already guessed so. I’m all ears.” Xehanort sat down in the middle of the sparring ground, leaning back on his hands, and you mirrored him. Sensing now is the best time, you take a breath before talking.

“I’m not going to beat around the bush. During the last few months, I started to develop a crush on you, Xehanort, and if you’re interested, I would like to see where this could go. But I have one condition, and if you can’t agree to this condition from the beginning, then I’m not interested in pursuing this any longer.” You say these words as sincere as you can, all while looking him directly in the eye. His gaze doesn’t waver from yours either and doesn’t really change, not even as you admit your feelings to him. It doesn’t surprise you at all, this is Xehanort after all.

“And what would that condition be?” He asks, and a small smile curls around your lips. He hasn’t outright rejected you, which makes you feel the tiniest bit hopeful.

“Please respect that I have my own opinion about Light and Darkness. I see that you’re fascinated with Darkness, Xehanort, and while I understand it, I don’t have the same fascination as you do. If you decide to follow through with Darkness, I can’t follow you. But if you accept that we have differing opinions, I in turn promise you to respect your opinion as well.” Your voice turns a bit softer as you state your condition, since it brings up some bad memories for you. And since Xehanort is not stupid, he must realize why you’re setting this condition.

Xehanort tilts his head to the side a bit, eyeing you intensely. You hold his gaze, and you can’t help your emotions breaking through and giving him a soft smile.

Surprisingly, Xehanort returns the soft smile.

“It seems like a fair condition to me, and I am interested as well to see where this could go. I’ve grown fond of you as well.”

You giggle at his rather polite way of speaking, and Xehanort chuckles as well. It feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you know you’ll walk around with a big grin for the rest of the day.

However, seeing that the both of you still have some training to do, you get up and hold your hand out to him.

“Let’s start this new relationship by sparring and beating each other up, shall we?”

Xehanort grins as he takes your hand, getting up quickly as well and summoning his Keyblade. You summon yours as well, and easily fall into your usual fighting stance.

Over the next few days, a few things changed. You and Xehanort spent about as much time as beforehand with each other, but you slowly started to grow physically closer. You would lean on him when you took a break during sparring matches, or you would absent-mindedly lean your back against each other when reading in the library. About a week later, the both of you started holding hands while walking around, and it immediately caught everyone’s attention, especially Eraqus’, who didn’t seem all that pleased. After that initial breaking of the ice, the both of you could often times be seeing somehow touching each other, may that be your legs in his lap (or vice versa) or his arm around your shoulders. In public, your attitude didn’t change that much. But in private, you’ve become much more closer. Xehanort talked more about his fascination with the Keyblade War with you, and started to tell more jokes. You really came to love spending time with him, and with the months passing, you came to love him deeply. His affection for you grew as well, which was shown in countless little gestures.

Sure, you knew the path Xehanort was on would head towards destruction. You knew Xehanort was heading towards Darkness, but the both of you vowed to each other to respect each other’s opinions. You did have discussions about it, but you knew you couldn’t change Xehanort’s mind and heart in that regard. So, you did your best to be there for him, and to try to prevent as much as you can.

You stayed at Xehanort’s side. Through all the up’s and down’s, through every troublesome hour, you were there for him. Even if he didn’t recognize you, even if he didn’t know you were there. You stayed loyal to him, and you loved him.

Because he allowed you to walk between the Light and the Darkness without judging you and loved you back.

And you’ve never asked for more.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's that.  
> To be honest, I quite like how this one turned out. Sure, there are a few things I want to fine-tune, but I'll be leaving it as it is for now. Who knows, maybe once this whole madness if over, I will revisit this one and polish it a bit.  
> But I'm a huge fan of 'there's no black-and-white solution' attitude I gave the reader. While it doesn't necessarily flow with the Kingdom Hearts narrative (except for Riku, he seems to be the exact embodiment of this to be honest) I still think it fits into the series.  
> What did you think about it?  
> Anyway, off to the next one - one for Terra!
> 
> Tschüss!


End file.
